Chanelling and Parts Work
Preface: I used to be an out of control empath.
I would pick up on people’s emotions, pain, feelings, crowds were overwhelming, the moon and retrogrades would throw me into a spin, I could read people, I would offer unsolicited advice and answer questions no one asked and try and heal everyone. This is the shadow side of being an empath/healer. I don’t see energy anymore, feel into anyone or open myself up in that way unless I am in session. I have strong and clear boundaries, I’m solid in me. When I realised it wasn’t my job to heal the world, to just open to serving in my unique way, miracles happened. Now I help so many people each week in an aligned way during sessions. This is an example of one of them.
I just had a session with, let’s call her Jane. As a clairsentient I’ll often start feeling what my clients are feeling about 10mins before a session. I started to get period pain (even though mine isn’t due) I felt extremely anxious and there was a feeling of being disgusting. It’s weird when this happens, I can feel all of it, but at the same time I’m completely clear and grounded in “me”.
I described to Jane what I was feeling and it was exactly where she was at.
In sessions I would normally increase her awareness of those feelings, guiding her deep down into the subconscious; feeling, processing and clearing the trauma. But with Jane, I could feel so many protector parts it would have been hard for her to stay with the feeling long enough to uncover the root cause. I asked her if she’d like to go into it, or if she’d like me to channel that aspect for her, so she could have a conversation with herself and get clarity and hopefully integration. (Clarity – understand how that internal part feels and why it feels the way it does. Integration – fully merge with that part, so there is no separation, no battle, no competing needs).
She wanted me to channel that aspect, the part of Jane that feels anxious.
As I did, my stomach felt sick, I felt confused and disgusting. I felt 3yrs old and got a sense of being at preschool. I was outside and I wanted to go on the slide. I saw myself climbing up and the girl at the top of the slide didn’t want to play with me. I climbed back down. I felt rejected, anxious and confused. I got an increased sense of awareness that this part was my essence – I was running, playing, having fun, then in that moment of rejection, instead of just continuing on and doing something else, I took it to mean there must be something wrong with me. She doesn’t want to play with me, she doesn’t like me, I must be defective. I felt disgusting. So inwardly this created a split. I shut off from my essence and it that moment I decided I was going to be exactly like her. I could feel this protector part come in, the strengthened mask, I would be the most beautiful, popular girl in school, I felt like I could play people like puppets, but when in this state of the mask, in the energy of manipulating others, and being really good at it, if I was rejected, I would completely fall apart. Being in my essence didn’t = love and approval, being exactly like this girl didn’t = love and approval. I was left confused and deflated.
I had awareness of all these parts within, and handed it back over to Jane. Jane had just moved back to her hometown, doesn’t have good internet at home and had to do our video chat session in the car. When she was driving to park somewhere quiet there was a road closure and she had to park out the front of her old PRESCHOOL! She could literally see her preschool while doing this session!
She said when I started talking about the moment and preschool she was gobsmacked because she remembered that exact moment happening and had even had several dreams about it. It was a core trauma that had created a big internal split, no wonder it had come up in her dream state.
This girl was the popular girl at school, she remembered the exact moment on the slide when what I had described happened, when she went to school she stepped into the other role I had described, she was the most popular girl at school, everyone did what she wanted. Then in grade 4 something happened and she shut down, lost confidence. The other feeling I got that her authentic self didn’t get her what she wanted, the mask didn’t get her what she wanted, so she was left confused and deflated.
With deeper awareness and understanding (and less resistance as a result) I was able to guide her back to that original moment on the slide where the internal split occurred and we got to a space of integration. She even looked different after the session, softer, clearer, more real.
There really is no separation. I am constantly in awe of the power of this work.